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About the Book

Quick Guide to Good Kids shows you how to raise your children to become successful, happy, and loving, regardless of the environment outside your home. You have a powerful influence on them, and when you use it wisely, you can help them to develop their own skills and abilities toward a fulfilling adulthood.

Virginia Bentz, Ph.D., mother of two successful young adults just finishing college, explains how in this quick, concise, and thoughtful book based on 26 years of experience.

It’s a huge amount of insight in a small amount of pages, offered by the very person you’d like to hear from most: a parent who has shepherded children through the trials of babyhood, the grade school years, and the teen years – all with good results.

Far from living a perfect family life, Bentz experienced the impact of illnesses, major surgery, and limited financial means. With two teenagers and no full time job, she faced divorce after twenty years of marriage. Yet under difficult circumstances, she developed viable methods of coping that protect children and allow them to continue their development regardless of what happens to their parents’ marriage.

 

Ten Simple Principles

Virginia Bentz gives ten simple principles you can use to help your children grow towards positive goals. She approaches childrearing from a unique perspective, showing through personal scenarios how parents can bring out the best in their children. Parents can do this because they manage the environment of their offspring during their most receptive years, from babyhood through age 18. These are the years when children are most alert to their parents, and the years when they desire their parents’ approval the most.

Children respect your guidance when you are alert to their emerging talents and needs. As you discover what your children’s special gifts and interests are, you can help them develop these. Over 18 years, you have lots of time to help them grow, in areas they choose, in small steps that lead to success and satisfaction with life rather than antisocial behaviors.

You will find out how these principles work in this personal and illuminating book from a sensitive and perceptive parent.

 

Chapter 1: When They are Little

Virginia Bentz stresses spending lots of time with babies and toddlers. Children are most receptive at these early ages, when parents are their only lifeline. You can show them colors and numbers, expose them to different kinds of music, and teach them to listen quietly and attentively to books. They will love this, because it’s a cozy time with you. Even though they don’t understand everything, they can learn to be patient with it, and eventually they will understand more and more. Through all the activities Bentz describes, the toddler learns not only important skills, but also that you are on her side, and that your love is unconditional.

 

Chapter 2: Affirm, Don’t Criticize

Virginia Bentz warns against the all-too-tempting need parents have to criticize their children’s choices and efforts. “If only it worked,” she says ruefully. But this is a dangerous path, since children come to believe what their parents say about them. Parents who criticize will bring up children who see themselves as worthless, and who lack the confidence to take on responsibilities and to say no to risky suggestions. Bentz explains the need to compliment, giving you the personal experiences that frightened and convinced her.

 

Chapter 3: Money Isn’t Necessary

Bentz warns against indulging children with too many material things. Children have simple needs and wants, easily met by a week’s worth of clothes, a toothbrush, a safe place to live, medical treatment. They care far more about time with their parents than material things. You can discuss spending money with your kids, you can encourage them to save gifts of money, and you can help them mature by letting them do volunteer work or working at small first jobs. Bentz considers all the problems money can create for kids, and proceeds with caution.

 

Chapter 4: Support Your Child’s Teachers

Bentz favors giving children some freedom at home, to explore new projects, to try out new activities, to be creative. (Okay, she did guard against permanent damage to the house.) But one important rule is not to argue with the teacher’s requirements. Children need to learn this, it can be part of their life from first grade on, and this will help them in future classes of grade school, high school, college, career preparation, and ultimately, holding a job as an adult. Find out how Bentz handled this, even when “everybody knows this teacher is crazy.”

 

Chapter 5: Be Part of Your Child’s Audience

Bentz suggests that in your effort to be positive and complimentary toward your child, you can affirm any activities they take on, as long as these doings are legal and within your own moral code. Childhood is the best time to try different things, from soccer to golf to singing to playing trumpet in the band. Whatever it is, if your child is putting out the effort to do it, you should be there, and you should be encouraging. It’ll mean a lot. Bentz’s examples show how much.

 

Chapter 6: You’re Not in This Alone

Bentz likes to say that her best skill is calling for help. Sometimes two parents aren’t quite enough, and sometimes single parenting can leave too little time for kids. She found ways to share the wealth of parenting, and discovered that this sharing is more common than people realize. Family, friends, other parents, and fellow church members all have a lot to offer. Find out how this worked for her and can work for you.

 

Chapter 7: Be an Example of Duty Done

Bentz points out how intensely children look at their parents to decide whether to keep going or slack off. Kids will follow your lead when it comes to getting work accomplished, or leaving it by the wayside for someone else to do. Just make sure you’re not working too hard on projects that the child cannot understand, except that they take you away from him. Bentz considers this fine line in a thoughtful analysis.

 

Chapter 8: Guard Adolescent Girls from Harm

Okay, this is a controversial chapter. Bentz jumps in anyway, since she feels strongly that parents need to be especially careful in guiding girls through adolescence. Girls who are just entering puberty, and just beginning to look womanly, are attractive to a large part of the male population. She points out that you can stay in the picture without being overpowering, you can explain the facts of risky behavior, and you can offer your absolute support if a situation gets out of hand. Get the details on this one.

 

Chapter 9: Keep Track of Teenagers

Teenagers begin to make more and more of their own decisions at this age. They go many places without their parents, and they have to learn about the consequences of various actions. You can help guide this learning process through honest discussion, through curfews, and through phone calls. “Come home on time, or call and talk to me,” was Bentz’s motto, even though it led to late nights. That, and a few other simply enforced but effective rules

 

Chapter 10: Apologize (Whether You Need It or Not)

Bentz admits freely to being an imperfect parent. She popped out critical remarks. She wasn’t terribly enthused about every choice of activity. (She absolutely hated some of them.) She lost her temper. Patience is not her strong suit. But she persevered. Bentz countered her imperfections with apologies. And she found this to be surprisingly effective at getting kids to listen, even with both ears. Maybe it’s the surprise element. Read on to see how it works.

 

Chapter 11: Resources for Success

It’s a whirlwind life, being a parent. Simply described, here are three kinds of resources found in most communities. First, places you can go and activities you can find that would be just plain fun for you and your kids. Second, places you can call with questions about behaviors that you see in your children, and you feel you might need to change, or heal, for the children’s own good, and for the wellbeing of your family. Third, places you can call in an emergency. You’re on call 24 hours a day, and so are they. Get leads on these valuable resources in one quick chapter.

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